Women on Assignment Update[1]
It has been a year since posting “Women on Assignment” on August 29, 2009. This year has strengthened us, weakened us, humbled us, challenged us, and provided a variety of thoughts, emotions, and opportunities for soul searching as we have walked this spiritual journey.
While mom remained steadfast in her resolve to care for Aunt Audree, I remained steadfast in my resolve to assist mom. In knowing that it was right to do this, I continued to ask the Lord about the rightness of leaving my husband for 3-4 days each week.
Remembering the moment that God placed His call to short-term missions on my life, my husband and I began to view this ministry as an extended short-term mission project. However, the fear that it might go on for ten years weighed heavy on our hearts. Cooperation with God’s plan and embracing His work in each of our lives required significant discipline and energy.
Aunt Audree thrived during this time. Her Alzheimer’s seemed to improve over the months. She embraced our different personalities and the different ways that we did things. It was clear that our presence made a difference for her. Her friends from church were ever faithful to visit us and encourage us. We were so grateful to them for the many ways that they cared for us.
Christmas was extremely special as we purchased two small decorated trees, one for the front bay window and the other, a larger one, for Aunt Audree’s family room; that she looked at and appreciated for most of each day. She and Uncle Wayne had never had a Christmas tree because of their feline pets over the years, so this was her first experience as an adult with Christmas trees. She was child-like in her delight over them and other decorations.
Mom continued to find driving in this new city beyond her so Aunt Audree and I ran most of the errands on my time there or the three of us did them on our overlap day each week.
My husband commented more than once that he could see the pall come over my face on Saturday mornings as I began to anticipate the return on Sunday afternoon. He continued to transport mom to and from twice each week.
November brought a couple of interesting scenarios: 1) My husband’s mom had an emergency health issue on November 1st that required a hospital stay; and 2) Our personal credit union was purchased by another credit union and Aunt Audree’s bank was purchased by another bank. So, our lives were further complicated by having to deal with and learn two new banking systems.
Then, about the first of December, my husband’s mom had another medical emergency. In both instances she was dehydrated from lack of nourishment and hydration. Since she lived alone, we asked them to provide rehab for her to help her regain strength and get back on her feet. As her only kids living locally, I realized that it was now necessary for me to return home. She is our direct mother, so it was clear that the Lord was changing things for, at least, our immediate household.
I told mom that the change was now necessary for us. She initially believed that she could carry on with Aunt Audree by herself. But, after 8 days it was clear to her that the job was too much for her to do for extended periods alone. My sister helped as much as she could with the limited times available from her full-time job. So, we began looking to relocate Aunt Audree to our home area.
We found very quickly that there are various types of Alzheimer’s Secure Units around the city. The first I visited was very much like a nursing home, only with a lock-down environment. I noticed when touring that the residents seemed to feel self-conscious. The next was a little better. This place has a little dog that barks when visitors come into the unit, to make it seem more like home. They also have a cat. In both of these care centers, the residents can take very limited furnishings from their own homes. Familiarity and surroundings being so important for people suffering from Alzheimer’s, this did not make much sense to us. The economics did not seem to be a factor as the two places visited were on opposite ends of the financial scale. Both also had waiting lists.
My sister asked that we check into a place near her home, so that was next on our list. It was a totally different scenario. The Alzheimer’s Secure Unit was a separate lock-down building that looked like a very nice hotel. All belongings in each room were from the resident’s home; sheets, towels, everything. Privacy was protected with big doors. It was respectful, not hospital- like, and significantly less expensive than the 2nd place visited. Our choice was confirmed by room availability.
So, we moved Aunt Audree to her new home on December 23, 2009. We brought her bed, clothing, loveseat, recliner, tables, dresser/desk, pictures, television and Christmas tree. She embraced the move with the dignity and demeanor of a seasoned Christian woman. During those days we found her pushing someone in a wheelchair, singing Christmas carols with a mini-choir, and visiting one-on-one on over-stuffed chairs in the hall. This residence has a rabbit that is quite the hit for those who love animals and not intrusive for those who don’t. Bing Crosby is his name.
On the morning of January 1, 2010, we received a call that Aunt Audree awoke with vomiting after a restless night. We immediately called paramedics and took her to the hospital where the diagnosis was that her stomach had pushed up through her haital hernia, twisted and turned upside down. The options were a very tricky surgery that she probably would not live through or recover from or Hospice Care for the remainder of her days.
The eventual recommendation and decision was Hospice Care. Mom spent the days with Aunt Audree and I came in for the nights. This was far more doable in our home city than it would have been in Aunt Audree’s home city. Such a gift from the Lord!
Aunt Audree was quiet during her time in Hospice Care as she contemplated her future with Jesus. There was no struggle to hold on to this life. She seemed to understand that options were limited and once more embraced how the Great Shepherd was moving her along. She was not perfect, but her heart was ready to meet her maker.
Aunt Audree went to be with her Lord and Savior on the afternoon of January 9, 2010, right as her pastor finished reading the 23rd Psalm to her. “And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
This chapter of our lives that began on March 29, 2009, is now closed. We continue to live somewhat in shock over what transpired, not only through Aunt Audree’s life, but also through her death. We thank God for His ministry to one of His beloved children and how He used us in that ministry. He answered our prayer that His mercies toward her would be abundant.
The last eight months have continued to be full as we have sought to be of help to my husband’s mom through the wonderful provisions that the Lord has made for her. While challenges continue in the sale of her condominium, we know that God is in control, we sought His will in the move, we continue to seek Him daily, and we trust Him fully. We continue to stand on the following verse for this time in our lives.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
Praise God that this time of testing is for our good and will result in our unified spiritual growth as a family, so that we will develop the perseverance that our Lord desires in us.
“Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58
Amen!
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[1] Sandra K. Holden is pursuing her Master of Arts in Christian Studies degree with a major in Biblical Counseling with IABC Certification from Master’s International School of Divinity.
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